My husband and I have invited God into our child's life from before we decided to get pregnant. Truth be told, we had been married one month when we came up with a boy's name. We both picked the same name...
Fast forward four years later, we have a conversation about trying to have a child -- we both heard God tell us it was time. When we tried, it just happened. It was God's will. We were elated to find we were having a boy, seeing as how we had known his name since the beginning of our marriage.
Prayer has been a vital part in our parenting style. We want Kit to carry Jesus in his heart, know God intimately, and be the person God needs him to be. I do not want to subject my child to my ideals of what he could or should be based on my selfish needs. So, I pray that God raises Kit through the use of me...
Now, let's fast forward another four years. My son is almost four. We have talked about God and Jesus to him since his birth, in an effort to share the ultimate in love with him. I have sung Jesus Loves Me, This Little Light Of Mine, and Amazing Grace as his lullabies at night. He understands that the representation of the cross is Jesus; meaning that when he sees a cross he calls it Jesus -- it's a start. I ask him where Jesus lives, he points to his chest and says, "Here, in my heart."
This all warms my heart...
About a year ago, when my son started having nightmares, I began talking about God by explaining that God made everything, God is everywhere, and that God will protect him. I keep it basic. He was only three at the time. Kit asks, "Where is He? I can't see Him." This is a hard question. I pray, asking God to guide me, give me words. Let's be honest: I have no idea what I am doing, or how to do it...
We have Christian books about the story of Jesus. Jesus was a man, and it is clear to see that represented within these books. All of which helps Kit visualize Jesus as a real person. For Easter this year, we gave him a bear that sings Jesus Loves Me. Kit loves it and plays it over, and over, and over. He runs around the house singing it. Kit has an amazing voice. When he has his nightmares, we sing the song and he hugs his bear. I also tell him God will protect him, and then we talk about a beautiful dream for Kit to picture in hopes he will fall back asleep.
The past couple of months, Kit has wavered between two themes. One day he says something along the lines of: "God is everywhere. He is in the air. He is in the water. He made the house, my bed, my dresser." Then the next day: "God doesn't exist. He can't protect me."
I am at a loss here. I have talked with The Rustic Knight about it to find out that Kit has never said God doesn't exist to him. Their conversations always stay true to God being everywhere and a protector. Maybe Kit is testing me to see if I will be consistent. I have no idea. I do know that it bothers me. I am not sure where this is coming from or how concerned I need to be. I talked with my very good friend about this, too. Through our conversation, I came to realize that maybe the struggle isn't so much about does God exist or doesn't He exist, but the fact that God is so big and invisible to Kit's almost four year old mind that he is unable to grasp the context of His abilities.
However, Jesus is tangible. Our Christian books and kid's bible show Jesus, a man, sitting with children. And I retain the belief that Jesus is God in human form. So, after much converse with My Maker, for now I will put the word god on the shelf, and focus on Jesus in conversation with Kit. With continued prayer, after some time has passed, I will reintroduce the word god to Kit. I have no idea what God will do with Kit's heart, but I do know that Kit has a right to question. If it will help him to focus on Jesus for now, I can get on board with that. I choose to leave it in God's hands, for He knows what Kit needs right now...
...And God just affirmed that He has it covered:
Just now, before I had a chance to publish this post, my mom called to discuss a few things we need prayer support for. I shared this post topic with her, and she shared some of her personal issues with me. Before signing off, I told my mom that I would pray God is with her. Before I hung up, Kit said, I want to pray with you. :) We put our hands together and he repeated after me: "Dear Lord, Please be with Oma. In Jesus Christ's name, Amen." Then he thanked me, "Thank you, Mommie, for showing me how to pray." :)
All we need is continued hope, a little faith, and a lot of God -- and Jesus is a great place to start.
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