Why I Haven't Posted in Almost a Year...

Philippians 4:10-13

11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do everything through him who gives me strength. 

I have not forgotten about this site, nor have I forgotten the few that are led here. However, due to the nature of my health, I am not in any position to post anything for a year, or longer.

I have been dealing with multiple medical issues for over a decade now, though the past two years have become increasingly debilitating for me, to the point of being a burden of sorts for my husband and child, forcing me to begin sharing with our families all I have been dealing with secretly. 

My medical situation is so specialized and complex, that the treatment plan to get my body to a full functioning place is quite lengthy. There is no definite in when I will be completely healed and beyond this leg in the journey of my life.

I trust God and His timing, understanding that I am finally with the specialists I need to get me back to proper health. I appreciate those who have been patient with this website.

Once He calls upon me to share details on what I have been dealing with, I will share as He sees fit.

No matter the situation, I praise God, thanking Him for every day; for whether things are good or bad, with God, there is peace and joy, remembering to focus on Jesus.

With love and appreciation, Paisley

Jesus Promises the Holy Spirit

John 14:15-31
15 "If you love me, obey my commandments. 16 And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Advocate, who will never leave you. 17 He is the Holy Spirit, who leads into all truth. The world cannot receive him, because it isn't looking for him and doesn't recognize him. But you know him, because he lives with you now and later will be in you. 17 No, I will not abandon you as orphans -- I will come to you. 19 Soon the world will no longer see me, but you will see me. Since I live, you also will live. 20 When I am raised to life again, you will know that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you. 21 Those who accept my commandments and obey them are the ones who love me. And because they love me, my Father will love them. And I will love them and reveal myself to each of them."

By obeying God the Father, through the relationship with God the Son, we begin doing the works of Jesus through God the Holy Spirit, that of which lives in us. The way Jesus is always with us is through the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit acts as our Advocate, our Counselor. This is the way we receive God's Wisdom and Truth. The Holy Spirit acts as a compass of emotions, thoughts and actions. Through the Holy Spirit, received by the acceptance of Jesus Christ, our sins are revealed to us. This allows us to come before Jesus and ask for forgiveness of our sins by confessing. This cleans us before God the Father. When we enter into a relationship with Jesus, we come to know God -- the closer we are to Jesus, the closer we are to God. Through this closeness, obedience begins to take place, an act of love, but one must obey God's commands in order to be close to Him.

God has been working hard on revealing the Holy Spirit to me in new intimate and wonderful and truly AWESOME ways. The last few months, He has led me to the truth that the Holy Spirit prays the unutterable prayers in our hearts -- AS AN ADVOCATE FOR US. I have experienced this, having been made aware in an amazing 'AHA!' moment. I was in a very painful relationship for years, one that I felt stuck in.
I. Wanted. Out. 

Still Here...Still Working...

To start: I will be posting Jesus Promises the Holy Spirit by the end of this year.

When it comes to my spiritual posts, I strive to allow the time necessary for God to reveal to me, through the Holy Spirit, what He needs me to write. Part of this process involves the revealing of the truth within my own heart. I take my spiritual journey seriously--my relationship with God is the most important relationship in my life. Everything flows out from that core interaction between me and God.

This is also why I haven't been posting as frequently as I did the year of 2013. I have been on an incredibly, albeit all-consuming and overwhelming at times, spiritual journey. The things the Lord has revealed to me over the past few months have kept me in perpetual awe of His Lordship. Focusing on God, remembering to praise His Holiness has been wonderful! I have also come to accept, and respect, that I am meant to live the experiences that lend to the spiritual posts of this blog. Living in the Present, focusing on the Lord and studying the Bible. I need to come through to the other side, able to look back at the journey, in order to share the message and lessons as I come to understand them more fully.

Simply put, life must be lived.

Jesus is the Way to the FATHER

John 14:1-14
    1 "Don't let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me. 2 There is more than enough room in my Father's home. If this were not so, would I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you? 3 When everything is ready, I will come and get you, so that you will always be with me where I am. 4 And you know the way to where I am going."
    5 "No, we don't know, Lord," Thomas said. "We have no idea where you are going, so how can we know the way?"
    6 Jesus told him, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me. 7 If you had really known me, you would know who my Father is. From now on, you do know him and have seen him!"
    8 Philip said, "Lord, show us the Father, and we will be satisfied."
    9 Jesus replied, "Have I been with you all this time, Philip, and yet you still don't know who I am? Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father! So why are you asking me to show him to you? 10 Don't you believe that I am in the Father and the Father is in me? The words I speak are not my own, but my Father who lives in me does his work through me. 11 Just believe that I am in the Father and the Father is in me. Or at least believe because of the work you have seen me do. 
    12 "I tell you the truth, anyone who believes in me will do the same works I have done, and even greater works, because I am going to be with the Father. 13 You can ask for anything in my name, and I will do it, so that the Son can bring glory to the Father. 14 Yes, ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it!"

There is but ONE God: God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit. He is neither one, nor the other, but ALL at once. 

The Secrets Held Within, Chapter 26

Chapter 26, Coming Together

My memory is hazy following the reveal of my father: Chester Abbott: Ava’s father. We are half-sisters…

Everyone parted ways almost immediately after the reveal of this information, with Ava upset, though rightfully. Everything she thought she knew, changed in an instant. I am sure she has many questions. Todd took her home, having offered to return to be with me however I needed, but I politely declined. I need to sort through the plethora of information gathered over the past week, and the shock of the truth. It amazes me how Carter’s possible suicide note was put so far back in the closet with the onset of finding my birth certificate. Stella insisted on staying at a motel on the outskirts of town for the night to give me privacy. She is ever so thoughtful.

I am sitting under the pergola, cocooned within the fragrant garden. The sun is up. The bench is hard wood. I lean my hands on the edge of the seat, leaning forward. The only thing I seem to be able to focus on is my breath.

Spiritual Cocoon

I am very aware that I have been MIA the past couple of months. The simple reason for this is God has put me in a spiritual cocoon.

What does that mean? Good question.

I have been drawn far inside my heart to the secret place where God and I meet. He is doing some amazing work on my inner self -- Sins I am committing are brought to the very forefront of my being.

The main sin I am to conquer: Frustration.

I have allowed the emotion of Frustration rule many of my decisions. I didn't realize how often I allowed this feeling to coat my heart. I got to the point of embracing this Frustration. I am now at a point where I recognize Frustration in the moment it presents itself, leaving me to ask myself: Why? To what end is this feeling appropriate? What is the purpose of my inviting this Frustration into the house that is my heart?

The other sin I am being led to recognize: Guilt.

I have denied myself joy due to allowing Guilt to dictate my life. I have chosen over and over to let Guilt prevent present day experiences, resulting in personal punishment for choices I made in the past. You know what else? The decisions I have made based on Guilt have transferred this punishment to my family.

I am currently in the 'thick-of-things' with God. I am in awe of the investment He is putting in me, in our relationship. There is more to the restructuring of my spiritual self that I am unable to divulge, at this time. But, when the time is right I will be in a place to share my journey in reference to this spiritual cocoon, once on the other side.

So, for now, I continue to wait on God. I give Him permission to change my heart, my mind, and my spirit to align myself with His Heart and Mind and Spirit, bringing me closer to my God given identity.

Romans 12:1-2
1 Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God -- this is our true and proper worship. 2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is -- his good, pleasing and perfect will. 

I Miss the Color Green!

I also miss seeing a landscape without any snow :)
We have accumulated a foot of snow.
It is white.
And bright.
But not green.
Or warm.
In an effort to remind myself what it is like to not have snow, I have found myself participating in vicarious transportation.
By submersing myself in pictures of the past.
I am pulling up memories of being outside in shorts and tank tops, reveling in the warm sun caressing my being and salty air enveloping my senses.
Not stuck inside with cabin fever because it is too cold to do anything.
Oh, Spring, where art thou?
However, I will say, Winter certainly helps me to appreciate Spring!

Joel 2:21-23
21 Do not be afraid, land of Judah; be glad and rejoice. 
    Surely the Lord has done great things!
22 Do not be afraid, you wild animals, 
    for the pastures in the wilderness are becoming green. 
    The trees are bearing their fruit; 
    the fig tree and the vine yield their riches.
23 Be glad, people of Zion, rejoice in the Lord your God, 
    for he has given you the autumn rains because he is faithful. 
    He sends you abundant showers, 
    both autumn and spring rains, as before. 

Batman Quilt = Success!

The Batman Quilt:) 

The Secrets Held Within, Chapter 25

Chapter 25 Facts and Finds

The next morning, I awake to a note from Stella taped to a full coffee pot. She’s out running. Coffee made, Stella out on a run, I choose to take my cup-o-Joe to the sun porch. A good sit sounded perfect this late morning. I need to set myself straight before I start a long day hunting down answers. As I pursue that secret place with God, it dawns on me that I should read the bible more…

Oh, Lord…here I am, so thankful to You for all You have shown me, all You have done for me…And yet, I find that I want more. Do I need more? You have all of the answers. You have shared some of them with me. How do I keep peace with where I am, while striving for the rest of what is meant for me to have? How do I find that balance?

My dear child, seek My rest and you shall find peace there. Waiting won’t feel such a heavy burden if you lean upon Me. Read the word and you will yet be closer to Me, still.

I sigh. Whether relief, contentment, or resignation I know not – Probably all of the above. Resting my head back, I close my eyes taking a deep slow breath. I feel better than I have in days, having accepted much that is out of my control. I am in that place with God that is secret and sacred. Sorry, can’t share more than that. Most likely because there are no words that exist in this physical world of ours that can possible do justice in explaining what God does with me in this sacred place.

Don't Touch the Gifts Under the Tree...Until it is Time

This time of year is a perfect tangible representation of God's promises to us, that we must yet wait for. We are called to praise and thank God for the gifts we have yet to receive. Sometimes, I find this quite difficult. But, all month long, as presents began filling up the skirt of our tree, it dawned on me how we practice this act year in and year out. Let me explain:

Kit saw the presents with his name on them the first week of December. He had no idea what lived within the wrapping paper, but...

he knew he was getting gifts! He also knew that he had to wait for those gifts...Wait for what felt like an eternity to a four year old.

Quite frankly, it felt like an eternity to me, as well! I just wanted to watch him tear into his gifts!

The amazing thing: Kit thanked his Mommy and Daddy for his presents - prior to Christmas.

That is how it is with God and His promises to us. We may feel that we are waiting for a perceived forever, but everything is in God's timing -- And, God's timing is perfect. Not just for Him and His purposes, but for us. How wonderful is it that God cares so much for our well-being that He waits until it makes sense to give us our gifts? He has told us He will provide us food, shelter and clothing. He will also give us rest, strength and patience when we need it.

The next time I am frustrated with waiting on God, I am going to praise Him and thank Him for all He has done, all He is doing, and all He will do.

Santa, Jesus, and Kit

We have been struggling with the whole Santa thing since Kit was born. I personally have fond memories of believing in Santa, and even realized while I was young that he wasn't real. My husband was devastated when he found out Santa was merely his parents.

And, what about Jesus? How does Santa fit in with Jesus?

And the questions to come: If Santa isn't real, is Jesus? Is God? How do we know????

So...what do we do? How do we allow our children the fun and experience of Santa, while retaining the truth about this holiday, our Savior, Jesus Christ?

We told Kit that the idea of Santa is the spirit of giving, based off of a man named Saint Nicolas, who inhabited the spirit of giving to the less fortunate; which ultimately came from the spirit of Jesus, who gave the ultimate in gifts.

I am hoping that without creating a physical person who represents Santa Clause, revealing him in more of spirit form, with the idea of giving, Kit will be able to take the complete truth with understanding. The rest is in God's hands.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never parish, spoil or fade... ~1 Peter 1:3-4

This gift of life after death began with the birth of a Holy Man, The One and Only Son of God.

Merry Christmas.

Batman Quilt Progress Report

The Batman Quilt

The inspiration for this quilt spawned from The Rustic Knight being adamant about keeping all clothing batman related, and me trying to figure out what to do with them that didn't include keeping them in a box, until Kit had children of his own. We bought Kit his new bunk bed a couple of months ago and decided he needed a new blanket to fit the new twin beds...

Lo and behold, a Batman quilt!

Keep in mind, I have absolutely no idea how to make a quilt.

 I am just sewing on a prayer, trusting that this will all work out...

Because I know it will be beautiful. And I know Kit will love this :)

Here are the materials used: 

Batman t-shirts, pajamas, and costumes...

Some clothing I had that I never wear, but
are the appropriate colors

We bought fleece material for the base of the blanket and batman material for the squares;
I have enough to make pillow covers. I bought a total of 5 yards for $35! 

Don't Stop

Below is a poem I wrote a few years ago -- I know I was home with Kit when I wrote it; he was 1 or 2...I had been deep in solitude and felt very alone. I was in a dark place, beginning to see the truth of my own heart; it was heart breaking. This was around the beginning of the severing of my ties to the past that bound me to the world, not God.

I still have moments when I completely relate to how I felt when I initially wrote this prayer. I think it's important to remember, that no matter how far we come spiritually, or how close we get to God, there are times we struggle with being the best we can be. We work hard, we mature in spiritual nature, and we land in that place of contentment. We are succeeding and it feels wonderful!

Then, we hit upon a stumbling block that sends us spinning and we need help getting back to that wonderful place we know to be Good. This is part of the fight in choosing Jesus, choosing His sacrifice, choosing to pick up the cross, day after day.

God led me to this prayer today, to remind me that He has shown me how to pray when I begin to question myself in my relationship with Him. I am sharing this because He has told me to. Every time I have been led to this prayer, it reminds me that I am human, and that God will always allow me to express my concerns with Him. I am filled with peace after reading this. May God bless you and keep you, may His face shine down upon you, and may you be touched by His grace...I love you all.

God Gave Me Tape

Interesting title, but it is truth verbatim. 

The house we are renting has mostly single pane windows, the storm windows missing. We have to put up plastic and tape to seal out the harsh western winds during this season. You should see the plastic when such weather transpires: our curtains bubble out, the plastic filling with cold air...it is quite an eye opener!

About a week or so ago, I had done the dining room windows. Prior to that, The Rustic Knight and I completed the upstairs. Yesterday, I did the living room, leaving only the kitchen. I ran out of tape upon completion of the dining room. I literally had enough to do those two windows. Praise God!

Yesterday, I was caulking around the molding surrounding two newer windows in the living room. We have four windows: two new facing front, two old facing back. The two newer windows were not insulated properly, therefore you can see through to the outside of the molding. Hence the caulking. In the middle of sealing these cracks, I thought to myself, "It would be totally awesome if God just miraculously placed a role of tape in our junk drawer."

Now, we were going to buy tape, but when we went to the store, we weren't prepared to spend what the stores were asking for. This was not because we didn't have the money for it, we just didn't want/couldn't bring ourselves to spend our money on the tape. It seems odd in hindsight, yet I also understand why we didn't buy it, because...

How would this have happened:

The Secrets Held Within, Chapter 24

Chapter 24, Revelation Of The Heart

“I actually think I can work with that, if you would like me to do some digging around?” Todd didn’t miss a beat.

“Isn’t Chet a nickname though? For some reason, I feel that Chet is not his full name. Maybe it was for protection in anonymity?” Though, I couldn’t figure out why my father needed to hide his identity from…From whom? My mind was a blank.

“It could be. I’ll do a search of names associated with the nickname Chet.”

I nodded, becoming restless in my thoughts. My mind began traveling back to what Ava and Todd had said about the boarder, how that woman arrived after my mother left. “Did you search what school my mom went to?” I snuck a look at him. “Maybe my mother met my father in college? Is the timing right for that?”

“Yeah, I searched.” Todd seemed to suck in his breath. Time suspended. “There is no record she enrolled in college.”

My Prayer For Today...

Lord, 

I ask you to forgive me for wanting things not meant for me. 

Please cleanse my heart and fill me up with Your will. 

In Jesus Christ's name, Amen. 

Outerbanks NC
Photo taken by Paisley Sept. 17, 2013

I have had a full week, leaving me feeling a bit depleted. 

This is of the good kind. 

I am spent from the Lord's use of me, and I love it. 

Today is a day for recuperation, of the divine kind. 

This led me to pray the prayer above. 

God revealed my need to pray for something I hadn't realized I needed to pray about. 

And to Him, I am immensely grateful. 

Praise be to God!

The Secrets Held Within, Chapter 23

Chapter 23, The Return To Friends

Sitting before me were three curious faces. From left to right: Todd, Stella, Ava. What did I have to share? I didn’t know how to process what I had learned, let alone communicate it. So, I did what I have come used to doing these past couple of days. I leaned on God’s strength. I took a deep breath, about to explain myself, and my apparent disregard for the others in this room, shown by my departure, when Ava pierced the air with her words, running them together, seemingly afraid of my reaction to her starting. What she is unaware of, the time God has just gifted me with in sorting through my own scraps of information.

“I’m sorry. I see you are fine. Todd followed you when you left, returning when he saw that you were talking to the owners of Reticence Unlocked. Figuring you needed to do that alone, he returned and the three of us figured out a plan of gathering information. I must say, I can’t keep it in anymore.” Then she took a deep breath looking at me expectantly, as if awaiting my approval. She was sitting in an arm chair under the window, hands in her lap with fidgety fingers. Her knees were closed, though they bounced, peeking out from under a flowing purple skirt. I looked up to her face, noting the deep blue sweater that brought the plum out of the skirt in a striking way, her eyes wide, pools of insight within.

“Shoot.” I was more than happy to have the focus off of me, for a change. Plus, there is the potential that what they have collectively found might help me sort through my recent experiences. Lord, please give me continued strength in absorbing all I am meant to learn. Help guide my understanding of all of the pieces about to come together. Amen.

"God Called The Expanse 'Sky.'"

Outerbanks, NC.
Picture taken by Paisley Sept. 20th, 2013

Genesis 1:8-10

8 God called the expanse "sky."And there was evening, and there was morning -- the second day.

9 And God said, "Let the water under the sky be gathered to one place, and let dry ground appear." And it was so. 

10 God called the dry ground "land," and the gathered waters he called "seas." And God saw it was good. 

"He Alone..."

Outerbanks, NC.
Picture taken by Paisley Sept. 20th, 2013

Job 9:8

He alone stretches out the heavens 

and treads on the waves of the sea. 

"You Rule Over The Surging Sea..."

Outerbanks, NC
Taken by Paisley Sept 17th, 2013

Psalm 89:8-9

8 O Lord God Almighty, who is like you?

You are mighty, O Lord, and your faithfulness surrounds you.

9 You rule over the surging sea; 

when its waves mount up, you still them.