The Secrets Held Within, Chapter 21

Chapter 21, The Voice(s)

“Oh, Sweetie…”

I started at the familiar voice. It was love and acceptance wrapped in regret.

“Ivy, I am so sorry you have to go through all of this.”

I looked up, noticing my cheeks were wet. My vision, blurry at first, focused to bring out the details of a woman before me. She was wearing a long skirt, short sleeved blouse, and her hair was pulled back in a high bun. Clasping her hands together before her, she smiled at me: a knowing smile.

“Grandma?”

“Yes, Ivy…You have more than you know. All you need to do is open the door.”

“What door? I already opened a door…how am I seeing you? Why are you here?” I am aware that I still sit on my old bed, letters in my hand, the locked room a vivid memory.

“Sweetie, you know I love you?” Such a pained expression on her features, begging for forgiveness, pulls at my heart.

“Of course! I love you too…what is this all about?” My brain was fumbling to make sense of the words she spoke and the vision before me. This has to be a dream, I told myself.

"We Cannot Turn Ourselves Into Lego's, Only God Can..."

Last night, on our way home from a friend's house, my son started a conversation about God. 
Let me set the stage: 

Kit's birthday was a couple of weeks ago, and having received many Lego kits (superman, batman) he has been quite involved in playing with the Lego's, and learning all of their back stories. He retains this information so accurately, it blows my mind! Because of his interest and pure joy in playing with these new toys of his, they have been very prevalent in conversation. 

As I have mentioned before, I have struggled with how to talk God with Kit. My fear is that I could push him away from the idea of God, but I want Kit to have an intimate relationship with Him. Remember how I felt I was confusing Kit with God/Jesus? The Rustic Knight and I have been praying about this, asking God to show Himself to Kit in a way that works for Kit; to give us the words that Kit can respond to positively. Basically, we asked God to take over Kit's spiritual growth, because we have no clue how to do this correctly.

The Secrets Held Within, Chapter 20

Chapter 20, More Answers Questions

Black…

Flickering of bright light…

Black…                   

Brings to mind a flashlight’s battery nearing death, but determination of the holder knocks it upside the head with hand, relentlessly.

Full blown brightness…

Startling success…

Everywhere…

The brightness dims, settling to a soft light, shadows rise in corners.

POP!

POP! POP! POP!

The Secrets Held Within, Chapter 19

Chapter 19, The Wandering Self

It’s decided: I am certifiably crazy!

I am such a mess right now; I don’t even know what to think. As I try to recollect the past few days, I am sent spinning, a force greater than I could ever hope to overcome. The mind is a mysterious maze of muddled muck! Fortunately, alliteration is on point!

Sarcasm is a wonderful coping tool…but only for a short while. It is amazing how much of the physical world falls away when one is lost within their mind: a dimension all its own, private, secret to the one in possession of said mind.

Sigh…

I am walking a pace that makes me appear to have some urgent errand to run: Purposeful. If only. Of course, I do have a purpose; I just have no way of knowing how to fulfill that purpose.

I keep repeating all that has transpired in the past seven days, a reel stuck on a loop, doomed to play forever. I can’t believe my vacation is half over and I feel farther from the truth than before I got here. My brain, working in overdrive, trying to summarize the information it’s absorbed into a cohesive paragraph of facts, interrupted by questions. Here it goes:

Prayer: A Spiritual Communion With God

The first week's lessons have revolved around the purpose of prayer. Here is my understanding:

To actualize God's will in our lives.

I see prayer as a constant spiritual conversation with God. I believe the intent to be about aligning our hearts with His holy heart, in an effort to permit God to continually harvest the seeds of which He planted. We are in the present when we are in communion with God, the hope to become what God chooses for us as it directly relates to His purpose. 

"Prayer is simply opening our lives to God, acknowledging our total dependence on Him. Prayer is not limited to a segment of our lives or to a scheduled event in our days. It is an attitude of receptivity in which we live every moment. It is being open to Him at all times. It is living in the presence of God, always in the process of being reshaped and recreated by Him." ~ Jennifer Kennedy Dean, Live A Praying Life, New and Revised Anniversary Addition 

Time Out Becomes Focus Session

As I have mentioned before, The Rustic Knight and I have decided to home school. Kit is now four. We have also decided to forego traditional Preschool for various reasons. We have no schedule in place for 'school', but have implemented learning opportunities throughout our days, even if only for 5-10 minutes at a time.

About three weeks ago, we were nearing bedtime when Kit was having a hard time listening to me. Better said, his attention span in remembering to listen to what I just said lasted for what appeared to be mere seconds. He found himself in a time out due to this. We have a semi-foyer, covered in the most hideous blue wallpaper, lovingly referred to as the blue room; though it isn't a true room: there is a five foot wide opening from floor to ceiling, framed out and dressed with molding. Kit was to sit in the corner.

Kit sat, though he did not remain contained in one spot. He was loud, making all sorts of noises, and he kept spinning on his bottom, kicking his legs around, going a little crazy with energy. Not the point of a time out; and certainly not listening to his mother. So, I decided to turn this timeout into a focus session...

The Secrets Held Within, Chapter 18

Chapter 18, Oliver’s Return

I was doubled over in laughter. My sides felt as if they were being stitched, cinching my stomach closed. I was sitting with my mom at Overlook Pass. We had just had a picnic, its remnants still on the table. Mom was wearing a long dress and jacket; I was wearing a white blouse and blue suspendered skirt. It was a cool day, but all that was needed was a sweater.

Out of breath, but still smiling, Mom asked, “You ready, Ivy? Let’s get this packed up and I’ll drop you off at Grandma’s.”

“But I don’t want to go to Grandma’s!” I missed being with my Mom. I missed the store. I missed Ava.

She wouldn’t look at me, busying herself with cleaning up. “Honey, I have to go to the store–”

“Then take me with you! I haven’t been there in a week! And what about Ava? She’s going to think I hate her, and I miss her terribly! This is NOT fair!” I was on the verge of tears. What was happening? What did I do to make my mother so upset with me that she didn’t want me around anymore?

“Ivy,” Mom was losing patience, “There is a lot going on right now and I don’t need the distraction. You are going to your grandmother’s. Period.”

Ah, So...Where Have I been?

I would like to start off by wishing Everyone a wonderful afternoon! Personally, I am kind of bummed out -- it is raining...AGAIN! I was hoping to take Kit to the playground today...maybe tomorrow?

So, where have I been? Good question. The past three weeks have been a complete whirlwind! Life has happened, and quite unexpectedly. There have been ups, and there have been downs. We went camping; The Rustic Knight got a promotion; My husband's birthday was a week ago; Kit's birthday was yesterday; We had some medical issues in between all of the above; I picked up extra shifts at the restaurant; Family has visited. 

LIFE has been lived. 

Rainbow Forest

Painted by Paisley Butterfly. Photo taken by Paisley Butterfly

It has been awhile since Kit and I have done an art project 

and today seemed to be the perfect day to do one together :) 

Painted by Kit. Photo taken by Kit

Easy Egg Bake

Yesterday was the Rustic Knight's birthday. I made an egg bake for dinner and the Cinnamon Sugar Butter Cupcakes, though I portioned the batter into three mini loaf pans -- NOTE: if you do this, add time (it took 40 mins to bake at 300 degrees in my toaster oven #2). Actually, I altered the recipe a bit because I was out of the cinnamon sugar butter and was too lazy to make it before making the cake. I put in a stick of butter and eyeballed the cinnamon, adding extra cinnamon to the batter -- The Rustic Knight love's his cinnamon sugar :) -- and chopped walnuts...delicious! Point I am making: feel free to alter the recipe and make it your own!!!! :) 

FEAR NOT!