I still have moments when I completely relate to how I felt when I initially wrote this prayer. I think it's important to remember, that no matter how far we come spiritually, or how close we get to God, there are times we struggle with being the best we can be. We work hard, we mature in spiritual nature, and we land in that place of contentment. We are succeeding and it feels wonderful!
Then, we hit upon a stumbling block that sends us spinning and we need help getting back to that wonderful place we know to be Good. This is part of the fight in choosing Jesus, choosing His sacrifice, choosing to pick up the cross, day after day.
God led me to this prayer today, to remind me that He has shown me how to pray when I begin to question myself in my relationship with Him. I am sharing this because He has told me to. Every time I have been led to this prayer, it reminds me that I am human, and that God will always allow me to express my concerns with Him. I am filled with peace after reading this. May God bless you and keep you, may His face shine down upon you, and may you be touched by His grace...I love you all.
Thank You for giving Your only son to me;
I want You to have all of me;
I am trying and it is not enough;
I am disappointed in my efforts;
It is harder that it should be, and I make it that way;
In reality, it couldn't be simpler: Give my will and being to You, and let You do as You wish.
And why am I not able to do that?
I keep slipping away, instead of into;
I am falling from grace each day, my hands wildly grasping for You, as I sink further into darkness.
Please, I need You to reach out and thrust me into Your arms;
I am too weak to do this on my own.
Surround me with those who know You, so I may see You work in others every day;
May I be reminded of You every day and always.
Beauty is Your essence;
I see the beauty You created.
All You want is to be sought after and loved -- I am seeking You and offer myself.
My love is for the taking; for I know You are a forever fountain of replenishing love.
Please consume me.
I love You...I love You...I love You.
When I am scared...Give me courage;
When I push You away...Don't move;
When I scream at You...Don't cover Your ears;
When I hurt myself...Don't look away;
When I lose faith...Remind me;
When I collapse...Pick me up;
When I cannot breathe...Give me life;
When I cannot see...Lead the way;
When I am speechless...Speak for me;
When I am wrong...Show me Your light;
When I am tired...Give me strength.
All I want is what You want:
to be loved,
You take me as I am, though I am not sure who that is;
You know my heart better than I.
I feel You more than I am aware;
I see You, though not focused;
I hear you, even if it is static;
I stumble through the dark to get closer to You.
I hold myself back in my humanness, not realizing; and yet You forgive me, always.
I am putting up my own walls, even as I tear them down.
You are patient, as I waste the hours.
Repetitive I am in my journey to You;
I learn, just to unlearn Your lessons.
Heartache is a comfortable place to be, and yet You are not there.
Why must I disregard You so continuously?
I have grown, though I am still crawling.
Thank you for keeping me above the quicksand, saving my life time, and time again.
In Jesus Christ's name, Amen.
~ Penned by: The Paisley Butterfly during the years of 2010 & 2011 ~