"Show Me Where To Go!"

As I rush through the door, ambulance sitting out front, I see her in a diminished state.  

Guilt envelopes my entire being, proving there is no such thing as a clean slate.  

A barrage of memories, cling to my once freed self, no longer separate from my past.  

A fool I was to believe I was no longer touched by the pain you inflicted, a blast.  

Is this learned behavior, reverting to my previous self when forced under your thumb?  

Molded into a person based upon your needs, resulting in my duty to succumb?  

She is transparent, taking your side without hearing my words, spewing her own harsh judgment.  

I am only seen when I fall in line with how I reflect you, lest you be discontent.  

I know you get some of that from her, the truth of each of us a burden upon you.
But more than that, you are sick with a demon of the false elixir, an ugly hue.  

Swirling red lights, she is on the gurney; help moments away, whether she wants it, or not.  

I fail to reconcile the woman before me with the woman I know, leaving me wrought.  

I question my choice to protect my family from this hold, by turning from your blow.  

Obligation seeps in, a demon of my own; I cry out to God, “Show me where to go!”  

He reveals through this murky sea of grief, a recollection of all I have transpired,  

My God given self pulsing outside of your control, something I have always desired.  

I refuse to let you suck me back in, suffocating all I have become, an effort to snuff my light. 

You transfer blame upon me, hiding behind your chary; my life you no longer indite.  

Choosing God above all else, led to my departure from you; guilt no longer welcome here.

I have gained momentum, Jesus my guide; I smile within, your wrath I no longer fear. 

~ Penned by: The Paisley Butterfly on July 15th, 2013 ~