Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Finding Joy & Laughter In A Serious Place

Here is an excerpt from an email conversation with my wonderful friend. Fortunately, we both have a sense of humor. First, let me set the scene: My friend and I had our weekly girls night on Friday, I hosted. While she was here, I kept adjust my phantom glasses. Now, I just got a new contact lens prescription a couple of hours before she came over -- it has been almost 8 years since I last wore contacts -- and I had them in while she visited. My current glasses are 5 years old (I have new glasses on order). I believed that due to my glasses being old, out of whack, and constantly hit by my son's flailing arms, due to his inability to be aware of his extremities at any given time, was why I felt constant pressure on my nose...this was not the case. The symptoms became serious in a this-is-affecting-my-daily-life way, beginning a week ago, Wednesday. I could no longer ignore them and had to see a doctor. 

So, here is the excerpt (names changed):

Me, explaining why I wouldn't make it to a book club:

I lost my voice Friday night (as you know), was hoarse Saturday, then lost my voice Saturday night. On Sunday, I had a very high voice -- customers joked that I sucked helium -- then lost it at work at 1:30. Served for almost four hours without a voice, then got sick and was sent home. Saw doctor today...

I am not allowed to talk at all, for a few days. Whispering is worse for the vocal cords than actually talking -- which explains why I'd get short of breath and dizzy when I tried to whisper to the customers at work.

I have a severe sinus infection. Apparently, I’ve had it for months (this made me think of you ;), that’s what all of the pressure on my nose has been: Not my glasses! My lungs are filled with stuff, and there is a ton of drainage, running down my throat, that apparently I am to stupid to have realized. This also explains my dry heaving, my shortness of breath, and the violent coughing. Not to mention, I guess my nasal passages and throat are super red due to severe inflammation. 

I am on amoxicillin, twice a day; Nasal steroid once a night -- shot up the nose, by the way...yuck!

I am not working tonight, per doctor's request, but will be back to work come Saturday. [The Rustic Knight] is going to keep up with [Kit] while he is home, but obviously it will be hard during the day the next couple of days. I hope [Kit] is on best behavior, because could you imagine a mute trying to yell at her daughter? LOL...

Love you and thanks for your help :) I went to Dr. [on med plan], which apparently I went to before...?? Didn't remember. Have a good night!

My lovely friend's response:

“Apparently, I’ve had it for months (this made me think of you ;)” that’s cuz we are mothers and it is normal to be uncomfortable - LMAO

“that’s what all of the pressure on my nose has been: Not my glasses!” – this may explain why you were trying to move your ‘glasses’ off your nose when you weren’t even wearing them the other night…hehe

because could you imagine a mute trying to yell at her daughter?” – I am assuming you meant SON here because we both know you don’t have a daughter silly girl!

I went to Dr. [on med plan], which apparently I went to before...?? Didn't remember.”  - this I am sure has something to do with all of the pressure on your brain from your severely inflamed sinus passages.

Get lots of rest, you need it by the sounds of it ;)

Now, I have read, and re-read this exchange over, and over again, and it makes me laugh every time! Part of the reason for my uncontrollable laughter, is picturing my friend laughing at what I wrote as she read it. The other part, is the fact that I didn't even proof read what I sent her. How in the world did daughter come out, when I don't have one?! I thank God for my friend. I appreciate her, our friendship, and how we find the funny in anything. When I wrote the email, I wanted to be funny in telling my story, I just underestimated the seriousness of my symptoms :) But for her to respond how she did, that was insanely wonderful! It made my day :)

But, I also see how God has answered my prayer to heal my body. I have been asking for God to sustain me, and He did, as long as He could. Now, action is needed in the form of medicine, and I am in the process of taking steps towards healing myself.

For months, I didn't know what was wrong, if anything, but I knew that I wasn't feeling up-to-par. I have a tendency to let symptoms progress to a potentially dangerous point. In part, because of how I was raised: Walk it off; it's not that bad; don't be a baby. And for most things, that is necessary, because most of the time, things aren't as bad as they seem at first. When being a wife and mother is added, I find I put myself last. I feel tired, and overstretched. I learned to ignore my body telling me to rest, because I didn't have time. Or, I'd tell myself it wasn't as bad as it first seemed, I can work through it -- talk about denial. 

Two years ago, I lost all feeling in my left forearm and hand, because I ignored signs of pain and tingling; because I had to take care of my baby and house. I cannot tell you how many glasses I broke, due to my hand's inability to grasp them. I had no choice but to see a doctor -- imagine if my arm gave out while holding my child. And guess what, I had tendinitis in my wrist, a ganglion cyst in my wrist, and another ganglion cyst in my ring finger. Probably should have gotten that checked out sooner! 

But did I learn my lesson? Nope! So, here I am, patiently waiting -- not really, this is hard! I love to talk ;) --  for my voice to come back, my breathing to become normal, and the pressure in my head to dissipate. There is much laughter and joy from all of this, though. I have learned I can communicate with my child without words, and he listens! One of the funniest moments: The Rustic Knight actually believed that my need to be silent was a blessing for him: She can't talk! Yes! I don't have to listen, hahaha...And he enjoyed my silence, using the free space to talk himself. He asked questions, shared stories, and even joked about my need to stay silent. I enjoyed him talking :) And he loved it...

Until he realized I expected him to carry his phone around to pick up my text messages -- Like I wouldn't find a way to answer his questions? Some things just needed to be communicated! :) 

Isn't technology wonderful? LOL!!! :) 

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