Chapter
13, The Blonde
After scouring the shelves for other
books penned by Lillian Sanders, I came up empty handed. It baffled me that
this book was in the antiques section of the store. The copyright date is 1960,
clearly not old enough to be considered an antique. And I had no idea my
grandmother was a published author. There was a lot to learn about my mother’s
family.
I went in search of Todd, ready to get
back to the cabin to search the internet. I was going to find out what kind of
a writing career Lillian had.
As I exited the antique book room to pay
for this find, I noticed the same blonde from my first day in the village, the
one that ran when she saw me. I hesitated. Todd was talking to her, she was
laughing. They seemed to have a history of some sort, at least they seem to
have known each other a while, regardless of context. A part of me wanted to
approach them, but my motives weren’t entirely pure. I felt possessiveness over
Todd that didn’t feel warranted. We haven’t even known each other for a full
week yet. Who was I to lay claim? The other part of me wanted to become
invisible, because I was still slightly unsettled from that odd non-encounter
with the blonde days earlier.
I feel like I fell into a time warp
these past five days, moving in slow motion, yet so much has happened that I
have to have been here for much longer. My mind was having trouble comprehending
what my heart has done in such a short period of time, trying to make the
mathematical equation of time + mind + emotion = something tangible,
understandable. Just to make everything makes sense. But, for whatever reason,
it can’t.
Brushing hair behind my ear, I turned
toward the counter to cash out, when Todd called me over – so much for being
invisible. Nervously, I walked over, regretting my casual gear: jeans and a
t-shirt. The beautiful blonde was wearing another stunning dress. Vintage must
be her go to clothing store.
“Ivy, this is Ava – Ava, Ivy.” The look
on Ava’s face sent shivers down my back. She genuinely looked frightened. What
in the world…
“Hi, it’s nice to meet you, Ava.” I
extended my hand and she just stared. “Um, are you ok?”
Todd kept looking back and forth between
us, confusion setting in. Finally, Ava accepted my hand, placing a false smile
upon her lips. “Uh, hi…Yeah, sorry…Clearly you don’t remember me…”
Remember her? Why would I remember her?
“Uh, no…Do we know each other?” She dropped my hand.
“It’s nothing. How long are you here?”
Should seem like an innocent enough of a question, in the spirit of making
polite small talk. But there was something in the way she said it. Something
flickered in her eyes, and there was a slight shutter to her voice. Did she not
want me here? But that’s ridiculous.
“At the moment I am planning on staying
another week and a half,” I answered in a semi-question, applying my own civil
smile.
Her smile fell so quickly, I looked to
the ground to see where it landed.
“Well, I hope you enjoy the rest of your
stay,” turning to Todd, she continued speaking, but only after placing her
right hand upon his bicep and plastering on a mega-watt smile – Gag me, “It was
good running into you. We’ll have to catch up some time.” Then, flipping her
hair she stalked out of the store. As I watched her walk away, I recognized
that gait of hers. The edges of my vision became stretched, as if light was
pouring in the sides, narrowing my center vision.
I
fell back, stiff as a plank. Making one full rotation, head over heels, I was
standing again, watching two young girls come barreling through the store
entry: one brunette, the other blonde. They were laughing, giggling, skipping
through to the back of the store. I turned to watch, mesmerized, the brunette
very reminiscent of myself in my dreams. The store was different. There weren’t
new shelves in the center flanking the aisle. From the door to the counter was
open floor space. On the right were tall book shelves, much like what you would
find in a library, running parallel to the back counter, but moving from what is
currently the aisle to the shelf wall spanning the length of the store.
The
two girls nearly fell into the counter, as a woman – Mom? – scolded them in jest. “Ivy, honey, you
know you cannot act like that in Grandma’s store. What will the customers think
if they can’t look for books in peace?” Then she winked, a smile replacing her
stern face. I knew in that moment I was looking at my mother: A beautiful and slender
woman with a heart of gold that I missed immensely. In a hushed whisper, as if
sharing a secret, Mom knelt down to the girl’s level, “There are cookies in the
back, go help yourself. Then you can put the books from that box on the
shelves.”
The
two girls sauntered off, doing their best to contain their giggles, bursting
aloud once they were behind closed doors. The woman behind the counter laughed
to herself, clearly enamored with those two girls.
Everything went dark, a shade drawn. Thoughts floated around my mind trying to piece together the new information that was just gathered: Lillian Sanders wrote a book. My mother and I worked at this store. This bookstore was my grandmothers? Did I know Ava as a child?
I heard
Todd say my name. In an instant, the present came rushing back in. Shaking my head, all I saw was the store as it was before Ava
left.
“How do you know Ava?” I had no control
over those words. They just fell out, and if I could, I would scoop them back
up. I so do not want to be a jealous woman. But I cannot help it. Ava seemed
very interested in Todd.
“I think the better question is how do you know Ava?” Awesome, a let’s-turn-this-around
type of question, and I am tired. I realize I am beginning to project my
vexation onto Todd, when he has done nothing wrong. In fact, he has been
nothing but supportive, but why? We don’t even know each other. And for all I know,
he’s known Ava for years. To be honest, it’s none of my business, not to
mention I am not sure I have what it takes right now to care about what could
be going on between Todd and Ava, if anything. I check myself, trying to control
the mess of emotions threatening to explode all over this store.
“I honestly do not know, though I just received
a memory of me as a young girl running through this store with a young blonde, who
I guess could be Ava…” What happened that caused me to block out an entire
village and the people in it??? “Will you please take me back to the cabin?”
~~~
“Hello, Ivy! How’s the hunk?” Gotta love
Stella, but upon hearing my sniffles, she quickly adjusted her tone. “Ivy, what’s
wrong?” That is all it took, and I spilled everything, beginning with the
moment we hung up after our last conversation. This time, she bypasses the Todd
talk, and gets right to the heart of my creeping family drama.
“Ivy, how would you feel if I came out
there and stayed with you for the rest of your visit?” What a delightful idea. I need the
support. Stella is the most amazing friend. “Thank you, Stella. I think I need
that right now. I feel so alone, and I am confused, and lost–” I break down in sobs
out of relief and feeling loved. In a way, Stella offering to come and stay
with me is an answered prayer. A prayer I didn’t realize I had in my heart
until this moment. The flood gates opened, and Stella stayed on the phone with
me as I cried my heart out, purging myself of all of my questions, concerns,
and fears, making room for love, hope, and answers.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
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